Krishna : Try to respect the e-mails of your elders, Arjun.

Arjun : But Vasudev, how dare I send junk mails to my honourable elders who are logged on honourable domain?

Krishna: Paarth, at this moment they neither are your friend nor your foes. They are mere mail-users. So follow your Net-dharma. Logon and send dozens of junk mails. This is your Karma and this alone is your Dharma.

Arjun : Hey Murari ! After seeing all this I feel like resigning from Software Industry.

Krishna : Bandhu, it seems you are caught in a viscous circle of Maaya. In this material world you have none and you are commited to none. Junk mails have existed before you came to this world and shall remain long after you are gone. Rise above this Maaya and perform your duty. Just keep firing junk mails.

Arjun : But Devaki Nandan………..!

Krishna : …..Victory or failure is not in your hands. So stop pondering about results. Don’t waste your knowledge on the junk shastra bestowed by your Guru Dronacharya. Ekalavya has learned just with the statue of his guru Dronacharya….

Arjun : Hey Keshav, how is junk mail related to the system ?

Krishna : Junk mail is just junk mail. It has no connection with Hardware. However, it is another aspect that it overloads the system….fills up the hard disk.. but you are not supposed to worry about it. Listen Kunti putra, the way Aatma leaves one physical body and moves onto another, likewise these junk mails move from system to system. There are some who keep on creating Junk and spreading among the masses thinking that they are very great and are here to teach everybody. It fulfils their ego. These junk mailers never recognise anothers feelings, they just bombard them.

Arjun : How can one define junk mail ?

Krishna : Neither fire can burn it.., nor air can dry it..neither it can be conqured nor it can be defeated. He who sends junk mails cannot be looked down upon even by Mahadev..Junk mails are immortal.

Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Now all my ‘fandaas’ on junk mail are crystal clear. You have opened my eyes Yashoda Nandan, else I would have lost myself in Maaya and read all the junk mails myself.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) . Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

In Posta, I heard it being said
That you are getting your daughter wed
That Gangaram is the groom to be-
Want to know his pedigree?
After all, he aint a bad man
Though his color is highly tan.
The shape of his face is right
Like the owl that comes at night.

In studies, I would like to state
Its hard to find someone so great-
Nineteen times he tried to pass
The matric when he stopped at last.

Asset wise they are also fine
Being slightly over the poverty line.
His brothers are not at all bad
One’s headstrong, the other’s mad,
The third son was brought up well-
He forged banknotes and went to jail.
Playing tabla is what the youngest knows-
He earns five bucks from standup shows.

Gangaram is often down in bed
With ailments of the spleen and head
But his lineage is a royal one-
His forefather being King Kansh’s son
And Shyam Lahiri of Bonogram
Is somehow related to Gangaram.

Now, of course, I feel, without a doubt
That a groom like him would make you very proud.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.

ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qaida group.

iii) AK-47′s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.

Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100. All questions are compulsory.

1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder. He has 7 wives in his house.

Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 rupaye left in his house. Abdul’s oldest wife needs at least 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.

2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hasis, haroine and LHD s are 50, 60, 70, 80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buy more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim, a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount, find out the grams of LHD he bought.

3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time. Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.

4. Rauf has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta. If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Rauf’s city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi,Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai, threatened in that particular month.

5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47.one AK 49, one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training. One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $, A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $, grenade is 3 $ each, a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $.
The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed. Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistani Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.

6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in Afghanistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i, where the notations have their usual meaning; Find out x.

7. Probaliblity of an Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.

Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80%.

Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.

8. Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14….), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.

9. A ‘GHAURI’ missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass. The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to Kargil all the time during the flight.

Will the airplane ever reach Kargil? What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases:

k = 1, k > 1 and k < 1.

10. Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem of “Bisection of a Triangle” with a Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR.

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

BBC, CNN, AAJ TAK, NDTV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper.

Opposition MP’s stage a walkout.

Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Inquiry. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the “Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]“, with effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by BBC, CNN, AAJ TAK and NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it “a triumph of justice”.

Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Moral of the story: This is what’s happening to those who work hard to uplift their future but govt. is showing injustice to them in the name of justice………………………we demand equality.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

A farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The Moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer’s beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal.

So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field. As They talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he Picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two Black pebbles and put them into the bag.

He then asked the girl to pick A pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have Done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you Have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag And expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with The hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral And logical thinking.

The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with Traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses The above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?

Well, here is what she did ….

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had Picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don’t Attempt to think.

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That’s the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company’s needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about It.”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. “You may still pass though, b ecause there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that his wife was regularly having Sex with his student Plato.